He’s got an ocean of cologne, a closet full of ties, and enough golf equipment to choke a whale — witness the monogrammed tees, the “Cure Your Slice Forever” DVDs, the designer calfskin gloves, and the fancy glass case for the hole-in-one he’s never going to hit. More ideas come to you, but does he really want a singing animatronic fish/gorilla/alien/puppy, a World’s Greatest Dad/Husband/Father/Brother t-shirt, or a membership to a Jelly of the Month club? What about getting him the He’s Just Not That Into You DVD you’ve been dying to watch? Flowers? Socks? Dental floss? A kitten? A hand-drawn “Good for 1 Hug!!!!” coupon?

So what DO you get the guy in your life who has everything already?

Don’t worry. You’ve got quite a few terrific options that don’t require you to leave the Sarasota area — some don’t even require you to get out of your chair (if you’ve got your laptop handy). Relax, take a deep breath, and see what you can do to make this next holiday season better than the last.

Note: All of the above gift ideas are a negative example. Do NOT get those unless you greatly dislike the person.

Hammock
Somewhere in our DNA, men have the secret desire to nap inside a giant sling. Take advantage of this. Consider the Big Daddy Set with Cypress Wood Frame from Sears ($499) for the ultimate backyard relaxation experience.

Event tickets
Few things say “Honey, I love you!” more than a pair of quality sports or concert tickets. Some suggestions: the Super Bowl (February 7, 2010 — Miami), Classic Albums Live Presents Pink Floyd’s The Wall (March 20, 2010 — Van Wezel), and WWE Wrestling (December 21, 2009 — St. Pete Times Forum). A great place to get those hard-to-find tickets? stubhub.com

GPS
This might seem like it could greatly offend the male sense of “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know where I’m going.” Don’t worry. The electronic gadget-ness of this will overcome any insults to our (faulty) internal directional systems. Sam’s Club has the Garmin nüvi 255w for $169.76. For the more discriminating budget, Target has the Nextar ME for $119.99.

Sports car
No explanation is needed. Sports cars are always happily accepted. Check out the Porsche Panamera Turbo at Suncoast Porsche (5005 South Tamiami Trail). It’s a four-door wonder that does 0-60 in 4 seconds and has a top speed of 188 mph. Perfect for any driving situation! Just swing by and ask for Carlos Amador to see one of the $150k beauties. (Tell him Ryan sent you.) Vroom, vroom, baby!

Parlor games
Who’s going to say no to an air hockey table? If you’ve got  a game room or room in your garage, go for it. Sam’s Club has the 90” Turbo Hockey Table with LED Scoring from Sportcraft for only $398.

Video games
Odds are he’s got Halo 3, The World of Warcraft, and the other blockbuster games. But what about the equally fun but lesser-known Ace Attorney series or the various Oddworld games? And if he’s into responsible living, what about Eco Tycoon: Project Green? For a real steal on video games, hit up amazon.com or eBay.

Beer
Jams of the Month club? No. Beer of the Month club? You bet. Some excellent options: beermonthclub.com, amazingbeerclub.com and microbeerclube.com

Gag gifts
With the economy still an issue for some, a cheap gag gift might be an option (only if your guy has a sense of humor, that is). Plus he might appreciate you not putting a few hundred dollars on the credit card for a gift that’s bound for banishment into the dark of a closet. Some good choices: Styrofoam sword, pirate gear, and Silly Putty. A fine place to pick up these goodies on the cheap? The Dollar Tree at Tuttle and Bee Ridge. (There are other Dollar Trees, but this one’s the biggest in town and has the widest selection.)

Cheese
It goes great with beer, but it’s so tasty you can eat it on its own. I especially recommend Hot Pepper Cheddar Cheese Curds. Only $6.10 for 12 ounces, they’ll squeak against your teeth when you bit into these nuggets of delight. Pick up some at Greenleaf Wisconsin Cheese (4521 South Tamiami Trail) or check out their booth at the Farmer’s Market on Saturdays. With over 140 different cheeses to choose from, you’re sure to find something scrumptious.

Something semi-educational
Unless he’s got a Ph.D. in literature from Florida State University, don’t get him a leather-bound copy of Shakespeare’s collected works. Try something that suits his interests and style. For the traveler or photo buff, what about The Complete National Geographic — every issue since 1888 DVD set (under $50 on Amazon, or $59 at Target)? A gift subscription to Field & Stream (a one-year subscription is about $10)? A copy of Twitterature: The World’s Greatest Books in Twenty Tweets or Less ($8.10 plus shipping from Amazon.com).

Something for someone else
For fathers, a great gift might be the opportunity to see their child grow athletically. The Kids Activity Center (across the street from BJ’s) has developmental programs for children ages 1 month up to 12 years old based in gymnastics with an emphasis on motor skills and creative development. Sign children up for a 12-week winter session (they start December 7) or for half-day camps in December. It’s a hoot to watch! kidsactivitycenter.com

Yes, guys can be a pain to shop for — we apologize. But that doesn’t mean you should just slip into autopilot mode and inflict us with another electronic nose hair trimmer, a jug of Old Spice, or an IOU.

Take the time to match up the right gift with the guy(s) in your life and you’ll come out like a champ. Ho, ho, ho indeed!

Ryan G. Van Cleave (www.ryangvancleave.com) is a Sarasota-based freelance writer & writing coach.